Projection.

Projection can be a tool for motivating yourself to change for the better. It is a way to really become self-aware and acknowledge the things you may not like about yourself and want to improve. 

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So let me first explain projection...

Projection Is a defensive mechanism that you use to deal with all the negative feelings, thoughts and impulses you carry within yourself. Projection is when you perceive the characteristics onto others and find in them the things you don't like about yourself.

The key to using projection to better yourself is to become self-aware of how you think, speak, and act...

I'm sure you (me included) have found yourself talking bad about someone who you saw yourself in. I'll tell you right now, if you waste your time talking negative about a person's personailty, looks, weight, wealth, relationship, status, career...you probably want one of those things from them. Stop with the bashing unless you're speaking actual truth. You have to start to realize that the negative talk you're speaking about that person might actually be the negative talk you are speaking for yourself. Start to catch yourself when you're talking bad about another person...the more you start to catch yourself the clearer it will be for you to realize the things you'd like to change for yourself.

Understand just because you do things your way doesn't mean other people will think and do things like you. If only we could all understand that the nature of this world isn't to live LIKE each-other peacefully, but to live WITH each-other peacefully. We all have different cognitive processes and handle things differently. We all have different goals and find happiness in different things. Stop giving people the advice that stems from what YOU would do...give your opinion, make a suggestion, but let others do their lives as they please. In the end, they will either reap the benefits or learn the struggles that come with consequences. Regardless, stop acting like people should be like you because the more you do this the more it could indicate you aren't so happy with yourself and rather focus on what others should be like. Just worry about you.

When you think things are 'bad' or 'disgusting' you could often be trying to block it out because it could be something that you are struggling to accept within yourself. You may be taught that certain ideas or actions are bad or disgusting. Therefore, as you grow into your true self start to form your own opinions, you may have to reject certain values and morals that you were taught at a younger age because they can cause you to feel bad about the person you are becoming. Often insecurities within us develop as things we find disgusting in other people. As long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone, things that make you uncomfortable could be things you might want to explore. So embrace that and start doing some self-searching.

Relationships and projection. You have to be very self-aware in relationships...the problem is that you can often find faults and flaws in your significant other which are actually the faults and flaws you don't like in yourself. This can often tare relationships apart because you refuse to see that you are the problem not the other person. You can use this to help your relationship, but it takes work. When you get upset or angry with your partner, take a step back and make the realization if you're speaking to them or to a mirror...if you start to see that it's a mirror, then it could help you to change your own behaviors that you don't like.

Combating projection is to attain self-awareness (we'll get more in-depth about self-awareness in another blog post.) Start becoming aware when you're gossiping, when you find someone irritating, when you dislike someone...you really need to dig down deep and make sure it's not some projection that's causing you to think, act, feel a certain way. The more you can catch the projection...it'll be easier for you to curb it.


Some self-disclosure...

Projection is something we all struggle with. It's an easy defensive mechanism that we can use to hide away our emotions, thoughts, feelings and impulses. When I was developing my eating disorder I would focus on woman's weight, it was always the first thing I would see and then it became one of the biggest problems in myself, an eating disorder. See that's the sick truth about projection, eventually it will consume you and you will become the things you pointed out in others.

When I started to learn about projection it made so much sense. It's hard to better yourself which is why I get paid to help you (ha), but what I personally did, was start to think before I fed into my impulsive anger or frustration. The more I did it, the more I learned what I needed to change within myself. Becoming aware of my projection has definitely helped me become a better person. 

After I became a therapist and worked with clients I realized how many people are struggling with the defensive mechanism of projection, some don't even know it! Some people will strive to become self-aware and realize while others will continue with life spewing negative feelings and emotions onto other people because of their own insecurities. You have to choose what side you want to fall on.


The key to eliminating projection is to be honest with yourself. Be honest with the things you dislike about yourself, the things you want to improve and the emotions and feelings you might be struggling with. Make sure you're truly in-touch with who you really are or want to become because then you'll start to spend less time being negative about others and Spend more more time focusing on bettering yourself.