So here we are starting another year, 2018. First things first, be grateful that you're here to begin another year...
But here's the reality; the new year won't bring you happiness, love, more financial security, a better job...all these things are in your control. You need to start taking charge of your life and it's completely possible.
Many people anticipate life to get better on it's own. They watch their lives play out like a movie. Day in and day out life feels mundane and many wish for better things. You have to stop being a bystander to your life. This life does not cater to you. You need to take care of your own needs. This week I want to open your eyes to you taking ownership of your life.
Often when things are going wrong, there are very few people who look at themselves first and the situation second. Typically people like to put blame on others or external factors on why things happened the way they did.
This year was bad because I have bad luck.
I didn't get that job because he/she has a problem with me.
He/She broke up with me because he/she doesn't get how to be in a relationship.
While all these statements are valid, I've seen more than not that the reason for these things transpiring is because you are the maker of certain things that happen to you.
This year was bad because it's possible you had a negative perspective.
You didn't get that job because you didn't have the qualifications for that position.
He/she broke up with you because he/she realizes that you are never going to change for the better.
[Above are just a few examples of what I've heard during my therapy sessions with clients.]
We have to take more ownership of what happens in our lives; how we handle things, how we handle other people, and how we handle opportunities. All these things are in our control, but many people seem to think they're not. You have to take ownership for the choices you make or don't make which can make or take away your happiness.
Think about the next few suggestions when addressing people and situations in your life...
Start cultivating objectivity in your every day life. What does this mean? Well you need to start taking yourself out of situations that happen to you and see them as a third party. Start to take ownership of the mistakes you made and the part you played in the problem or situation. The more you continue to do this, the more you can realize what you're doing to cause certain issues and how you're preventing your own happiness.
Let go of your ego! Take a look at this blog all about the ego and if yours is in control, 10 Signs Your Ego is in Control by Zoe B. Taking ownership of your life isn't about thinking you're better than everyone else, having more pride, being stubborn and having more power...it's about letting go of all that and specifically letting go of the ego. You need to understand that sometimes you're just going to cause more pain and suffering for yourself when you let your ego take the reigns.
Happiness is not always found from outside sources, but is first found internally. Happiness is a state of mind that you can teach yourself to be in. Happiness really can be a choice, corny, but it's true. You have the capability to turn things around in your life. If you don't like your job, I'm not saying quit and figure it out later. I'm saying take the steps to begin the journey on finding out how you can reach a job that gives you happiness while still maintaining the lifestyle you wish. There has to be moves made to find your happiness and typically the path with more money is not the road chosen. Money makes it easier to live, but it doesn't make it easier to find your happiness in the end.
The glass doesn't always have to be half full, but be happy you have the glass in the first place.
Taking ownership of relationships [we'll be getting more in-depth with relationships in the future.] I have friends who tell me they're not happy in their relationships and usually the reason the relationship isn't getting any better is because that person is not willing to take ownership. I'm not even talking intimate relationships, I'm also talking friend relationships. We often want to put the blame on others on why we aren't enjoying a particular friendship or relationship as much, when the problem could possibly be... you. Figure it out, take ownership and take the time to look within yourself to truly reach that happiness in a relationship.
Life in general. Clients tell me how they don't see enjoyment out of their lives because they work too much, work too hard, have a bad home life, have bad friends, life 'sucks'...well the secret remedy to this situation is that YOU need to take OWNERSHIP! You have to start picking apart your life and see what provides you with happiness and what doesn't. You have the ability to start getting rid of what doesn't serve you in your life. In this life we outgrow people...they can become a burden more than a pleasure, we can out grow relationships...they become toxic more than enjoyable, we out grow jobs..they become far more taxing on our mental state, we out grow where we're living...it could become too expensive or not a place we feel at home. However, all these things are in your control.
These things can't be accomplished overnight. Like anything, it takes time to find what makes you happy. It also takes time to find the things that cause more anxiety, stress and turmoil in your Life. Take the time and learn...
The pity parities need to stop. You have to start to realize that you're overlooking your own power of happiness. Taking ownership provides you with numerous opportunities, however, this doesn't mean that when certain doors shut, you won't be sad. I wish I could take away the struggles it takes to take ownership of your happiness, but I can't. I can't take away my own struggles for my happiness, but I know that the emotions that come with finding happiness is what makes you realize it's worth it.
Taking ownership will not make your life easier, if anything, it's probably going to make it harder. This is why many people remain unhappy and negative. Taking ownership takes a lot of self-reflection and learning from the mistakes and experiences you have made.
Taking ownership is looking down two paths and seeing a newly paved road on one and a sign 'make your own road' on the other. Many of you on the daily choose the newly paved road which is okay because it's easy and comfortable. Whereas, the ones who make their own road often are the ones who are happier and live more fulfilling lives. The biggest step you can take is starting on that road, which I assure you is not easy. The road is unknown and you will never know what problems you'll encounter, but with the right mindset you can do it.
Every day, find the things that bring light to your heart and start to weed out the things that bring darkness. Find the people who encourage and inspire you instead of put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Lastly, forget all comparisons of others and make your own special road that no one can navigate except you. Take ownership and find your happiness!