Many of us have certain people in our lives...certain people who we thought would be a great addition...a new friend, a new companion, a possible new work friend or maybe even a new romantic relationship. However, sometimes certain people do not fit in our lives. They can cause unneeded stress, frustration and anxiety...to be able to recognize these people is important for your personal growth and well-being.
As I'm getting older, I've kept a good stance on keeping unhealthy people out of my life, but I do have a side of myself that attempts to see the good in those I develop connections with. I feel that if some unhealthily individuals gained some perspective that they are their own worst enemies then they could find it in themselves to change. Some people refuse to see this perspective and rather blame the world for their problems.
If you're not careful, these types of people can drain you. They will start to bring you to their level of negativity...so be aware of the signs that could indicate that you're around an unhealthy individual and start do something about it.
Have you noticed yourself starting to spend energy talking about a certain person when they're not around? These unhealthy people can cause you to feel like you have no other outlet besides to talk about them behind their back. Rather than exuding that energy on this person. Make a commitment to yourself that you will not waste your breath with people that are not worth it.
Self-esteem...no healthy person makes you second guess yourself, provokes feelings of regret about decisions you've made and causes you to feel bad about yourself. This is what unhealthy people can start to promote internally. Unhealthy people typically don't feel good about themselves and their life, so they decide to project their failures onto you. Projection is their only defense (Projection is a defense mechanism people subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Projecting involves undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.) Instead of trying to look at themselves, they just look to you and make constant comments on everything they don't like about themselves or their life. They find it necessary to put you down and make your self-esteem dwindle. Self-worth is exactly what it says...the worth you have for yourself. You have the power to let someone in and allow them to make you feel better or worse about yourself. If they are affecting your self-esteem, then they're probably not a good addition in your life and you have the ability to remove them.
Your time is your time. If you have a hard time telling people you don't like the way they act to you or how they make you feel, well, you don't have to spend time with them. It's as easy as that. It's your prerogative how you spend your time. So, if they want to get together with you, you can simply tell them no or that you're spending your time trying to better yourself and do other things for you. That person doesn't need a long explanation as to what you're doing with your time, this is your life.
A healthy relationship, friendship, work relationship, whatever kind of relationship...tends to be one that is balanced. A balanced healthy relationship is one that benefits each party involved...when it starts to become unhealthy is when one side is outweighing the other. When the cons are greater than the pros, this should be an indicator that this relationship is not a positive one.
Personally, I like to be around people that inspire me, motivate me, hold on to more of the positivity than the negativity of life. Like I say in basically every blog post, there's always negatives, but you don't have to dwell in them.
Your happiness is, yours...sometimes even I forget that from time to time. I will sacrifice my happiness because I want to give people a chance, but I realize I start to get in a negative and unhealthy head space. I start to get down on myself, my goals, and my decisions. I feel this way after I spend enough time with an unhealthy person. Start to become aware of how you feel when you spend time with different people, stay close to those who bring the happiness to your life.
Lastly, unhealthy people don't take ownership. They can't or don't want to see that they can better themselves and their situation if they took ownership of their lives (see previous blog post Ownership.)