Regrets.

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"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience."-

 

Victoria Holt

We all have regrets.    

Regrets cause people to live in the past, stifles the ability to enjoy the future and removes you from the present. Regrets take away peacefulness in the mind. Each one of you probably could think about something you regret...Don't. 

For me, I no longer live in regrets, I live in the present and I can say where I am today is because of all the decisions I've made; good, bad and the ugly.

I used to over analyze and regret...a lot...and I mean A LOT. It was exhausting! I tried to block those thoughts out, but then they would come back in my head even louder, demanding to be heard. It wasn't until I faced reality.  The reality was that all the regretting and over analyzing was getting me absolutely nowhere in life. I wasn't a better person, if anything I was more selfish and more self-serving. I couldn't see beyond myself...   

It took a lot of work, but now I handle everything as it comes to me. If I get stuck in regrets or thoughts, I use my tools that I discuss in the post I wrote 'Becoming Present' [press the link to read it].  

Regrets ultimately eat any happiness that you could potentially have. I believe a lot of us feel we could’ve taken a different path or life could be better if we did that one thing differently. We can get stuck in our regrets. These regrets can take hold of our minds and make us think how much better life would be if we didn't do...say...make...that one mistake. Honestly, that is a legitimate waste of time, nothing is changing the past. Start letting go...take a read into this blog, it could help you understand how to let go, 20 Ways to Let Go of Regrets by Tiny Buddha.

We don't get a second turn on this rollercoaster, so put your hands in the air, let go and just enjoy the ride!  

I always speak from experience. Certain regrets consumed my days and caused sleepless nights. I decided that if I allow thoughts to consume me, I too also have the power to not allow those thoughts to consume me. Something I learned and use in therapy to this day is: 'view thoughts like clouds, see them, acknowledge them and allow them to pass by.' [I learned that in high school yoga and I’ll never forget it!] Stay present!

We’re going to make good decisions and we are going to make bad ones. There will be moments when you will be proud of yourself and then there will be moments of utter disappointment in yourself...no matter what, we have to keep learning and moving forward [forward is the only direction we're moving].  The more we learn...the more we can grow, change and become better for ourselves.

Regrets are merely moments that we have fully lived, and sometimes, lived a little too much, felt a little too much, gave a little too much...  

Unless you can change it now, in the present, you are going to have to free yourself of what you're regretting. Remember, you were a different person then...we are ever changing...

I use a here-and-now therapy approach [easier read then done]. There's so much noise in our minds throughout the day. This method consists of you learning how to stay in the present moment and quiet the noise. It takes work. That's why therapy isn't a one-and-done kind of thing. You have to be committed because it's hard, changing your thought patterns is hard. You're going to make mistakes, but start catching those mistakes. If you work at it, one day those mistakes will be a thing of the past.  

No one's perfect. Like I've said, I know the tools and I still mess up. The most important thing is that you even try. Practice makes ‘almost perfect,’ which is exactly where you want to be [because no one is perfect!]

Honestly, sad to say, being a Therapist could be a career of the past if people knew that the power of change is all up to you. You have to tap into it and work, but it’s all you.  Therapists just help guide you there.   

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We need to experience life.  Isn't that the point of being here...to live?

 

Hey, I wouldn't be telling you all this if I didn't go through it. I've made mistakes, big mistakes, but those mistakes lead to me understanding myself now better than ever... 

Do not live your life with 'what ifs' because those tend to be even worse than regrets. Experience things and be able to say you've done it...I want to fully live my life, don't you?

It’s not going to be easy. You will need to have discipline [that’s a whole other blog post I'll be posting, stay tuned!]. We’re lacking discipline because the accessibility of everything, it's all so easy...except when we need to change ourselves. 

No matter what decision you make, you will never know the other roads you could have taken so there's absolutely no point in thinking about it. Instead, be appreciative for what you have today. Regretting decisions you feel you should have made could be the problem to why you're not fully enjoying your present life. 

Try for yourself, no one else...forget about regrets because in the end, wasting time regretting is wasting even more time!